Club 22 (Hades Book 3) Page 17

  "Probably not an amazing idea to shower with an open wound, idiot," I commented, opening the lid of the first aid kit but grimacing when I saw the state of my hands.

  Zed's blurry form shifted in the fogged-up shower behind me, the motion in the mirror too hard to resist looking. "It's barely a scratch; I've had worse," he replied. "Besides, I wanted to wash his stink off my skin."

  I sighed. "Can't argue with that." Pushing the medical kit aside, I thoroughly soaped up my hands in the sink and scrubbed all the blood off them. Between Chase and Mad Dog, it took some vigorous scrubbing to get them properly clean. Next I grabbed a washcloth and wiped the splatters from my arm and forehead. What a mess.

  The shower shut off, and my breath stilled in my chest.

  "Hand me that towel?" Zed asked, reaching a hand out of the shower in the general direction of his towel rack.

  I did as he asked, slightly disappointed that he wasn't just going to step out all naked and dripping. Then again, he was respecting my boundaries, knowing full well how hard my walls had slammed back into place, which I appreciated.

  Zed stepped out with the towel wrapped low around his hips, and I almost swallowed my tongue as I met his eyes in the mirror. Maybe my walls weren't as solid as I'd thought.

  The rapidly spreading red stain on the top of his towel jerked me out of my trance, and I spun around to inspect his wound.

  "It's just a scratch," he said again, despite the fact that his three-inch-long "scratch" was still bleeding freely.

  I rolled my eyes and patted the vanity countertop. "Sit here so I can get a better look."

  He did as he was told, hopping up with the towel still tucked securely around his body, and I flicked the harsh makeup light on. The light was why I'd brought the medical kit into his bathroom instead of the bedroom. If I needed to stitch him up, the offensive brightness would give me the best light.

  I bit the inside of my cheek as I worked to clean the gash, reminding myself to remain professional. He needed my medical help, not his dick sucked.

  But goddamn, that was hard to remember when his abs flexed at the sting of antiseptic on his wound and he leaned back against the mirror with a small groan of pain. Yeah, I knew how fucked up that was—he was in pain. But Zed somehow made it into a sexual act, and I couldn't convince myself otherwise.

  "Hmm, you got lucky," I finally announced, tossing my bloodstained cotton swabs into the bin and grabbing a packet of butterfly tapes. "I think it's just a scratch."

  Zed snorted a laugh that flexed his stomach muscles and made the cut ooze more blood. "Told you, smartass."

  I huffed and carefully applied the butterfly tape to hold the long cut closed, then I stuck an adhesive gauze patch over it to protect it from infection while it started to heal. He didn't seem to need stitches, though, so that was something.

  "Hands," I ordered, and he obediently held them out to me. "You're a fucking idiot, you know that?"

  His lips curled in a smile. "That's nothing new."

  I gave him a hard look, then went back to work dabbing his knuckles with antiseptic cream. He'd split those fuckers so many times there was permanent scar tissue across a few of them. It also meant we were well experienced with fixing them up.

  "He’s had that coming for a long time," he muttered after a few moments of silence. "And a hell of a lot worse. I can't wait to make him pay for real."

  "Get in line," I replied, my mouth set in a grim line as I applied a couple of Band-Aids to his knuckles. They weren't busted up enough to warrant proper bandaging this time.

  Zed tightened his fingers around mine where I held his hand, stopping my admittedly unnecessary fussing.

  "Dare." He tugged on my hand, gently bringing me closer until my hips brushed the edge of the counter between his knees. "Look at me."

  I tightened my jaw and flicked my gaze up to meet his. I'd been avoiding eye contact with him since the moment we’d left Chase in the parking lot. Apart from that one brief moment when he’d stepped out of the shower, I'd been looking past him. Like a coward.

  "Dare," he growled in warning. "Really look at me. Drop those walls and look."

  My breath escaped from behind my clenched teeth, but he knew I couldn't deny him anything. Not when he asked like that, with such raw desperation underscoring his words.

  "What?" I whispered when it started to feel like the walls were closing in around us. "What do you want to see?"

  He gave a sad shake of his head. "It's what I want you to see, you stubborn bitch." A teasing smile touched his lips, making that an endearment rather than an insult. "I want you to see that no matter what happened in the past, I'm in this with you one hundred percent. I wasn't there when you needed me then, but I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll do whatever it takes to fix what he broke inside you."

  He released my hand, cupping the back of my neck instead. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes locked on mine.

  "I won't push you, Dare. But I love you so fucking much it physically hurts some days. All I want to do is erase all the hurt, wipe away the nightmares. But I don't have any fucking clue how to do that when it's me reminding you of those dark things."

  My hands went to his waist and slid tentatively around his bare skin as I leaned into his touch. "I don't know either," I admitted in a small voice. "Every time we start... anything... it's like I'm instantly back in my eighteen-year-old body listening to Chase rant and scream about how I'm an unfaithful whore for kissing his best friend." I swallowed the lump of emotion clogging my throat and pushed on, laying it all out there. "And I'm so, so fucking scared this will be a passing thing for you. That you'll move on to some new waitress or dancer next week, and I'll be left with a hole in my heart and no best friend."

  Zed didn't respond immediately. He pulled his forehead away from mine just enough to look at me properly, his eyes searching my face. Then he gave a thoughtful frown.

  "Okay. So, those are the two biggest problems?"

  Confused, I jerked a short nod.

  His hand still gripped the back of my neck, his fingers rubbing my sore muscles in tiny circles. "Dare..." He paused to heave a sigh. "I don't know what else I can do to show you how much you mean to me. You're not some girl to me. You're the girl. The only one. But me telling you this only goes so far because at some stage you just have to fucking trust me. Take a leap of faith and trust that I'll catch you. Every. Fucking. Time."

  I blinked at him, speechless. He was right. He'd been telling me over and fucking over how much he loved me. Not that he wanted to fuck me or even that he was attracted to me. What he felt for me, what I felt for him was so much deeper, heavier, and more dangerous than sex. But how the fuck did I expect him to prove that to me if I never let him?

  He brushed his thumb over my cheek, his eyes soft. "As for the other thing, I wish I knew how to change the past, Dare. You have no idea how badly I want to go back to that time and drastically alter how it all played out."

  A small, sad smile touched my lips. "Me too."

  Zed leaned in again, but his soft kiss landed on my cheek. "Do you want to get changed and watch some TV or something? Just... hang out?"

  I blinked at him a couple of times, processing the way he'd just shifted himself back into the friendzone so firmly. Then I gave a tight nod and stepped back to let him down off the counter.

  "Yeah, sure. Sounds good." But disappointment and regret filled me up so much I was practically choking on it. "I'll go... change."

  Despite how everything had turned out with Chase and my damage and the knife wound in Zed's side, I'd still thought the night might end a little less platonically and a whole lot more naked. So I just stood there for a hot second, mentally berating myself for fucking it all up. Again.

  23

  Zed made his way out to the bedroom ahead of me, his towel still around his waist. "Here, you can have one of my shirts." He grabbed one from the dresser and tossed it over to where I stood in the bathroom
doorway. His bedroom lights were still off, making it hard to see him, but a small voice in my head whispered that he was just passing the ball back into my court. Like he’d said, he wasn't going to push me. But if I wanted to take things further...

  "Can you unzip me?" I asked, a bit breathy with anticipation as I turned around to offer my back. The dress zipper was well within my own reach. I knew it, and so did he.

  Zed padded back across the carpet, pausing a second before dragging the zipper of my dress down. He didn't move away when it was done, and neither did I. After a frozen moment, his hands went to my shoulders, his fingers caressing my skin as he pushed the dress fabric aside. I made no attempt to catch it, simply letting it drop to the ground and leave me in a sexy, black push-up bra and matching thong. Like I'd said, I’d dressed with Zed on my mind.

  "Fucking hell, Dare," he breathed, his fingertips skating ever so lightly down my spine. "Are you trying to kill me?"

  Pushing aside my doubts and anxiousness, I turned around to face him, meeting his eyes with confidence this time. "No," I replied, reaching up and linking my arms around his neck. "I'm trying... to take a leap." I wrinkled my nose, feeling like a total dork for reusing his metaphor.

  He understood me perfectly, though. His hands gripped my bare waist, pulling me closer to him as his face dipped down to meet mine. He didn't kiss me, though. His lips stopped just an inch away, and he just fucking waited, wanting me to take that final step and close the gap between us.

  "If we do this," I whispered, already dizzy with his nearness, "our friendship is totally fucked."

  His lips curved. "It already is. Has been for months. This will only make us stronger."

  I groaned, but he was right. So I closed the gap and threw myself off the metaphorical trust bridge.

  Zed kissed me slowly, lingering like he was savoring every stroke of my tongue, every slide of our lips, every breathless gasp. His hands gripped my waist tight, and he started to lift me up before I stopped him with a hand to his chest.

  "Do not try carrying me after I just patched up a knife wound in your side, Zayden De Rosa," I warned, giving him a push further into his bedroom.

  It was only a few steps across to his bed, and we kissed the whole damn way before he shot me a smirk. "It's just a scratch, gorgeous." Then he winked and picked me up and dropped me onto my back in the middle of his bed with one swift movement. Somehow, magically, his towel was still wrapped around his waist. But it wouldn't be for long, if the shape of it was any solid indication.

  Zed followed me onto the bed, his lips finding mine again with ease in the near darkness, the only light in the room pouring from the bathroom. I arched into him, spreading my legs in a clear invitation to get closer, and he gave a groan.

  "You can still change your mind," he murmured as he kissed down my chest, his fingers finding the fancy front clasp of my bra and snapping it open. His breath hissed between his teeth as he caressed my breast, then he closed his lips over one taut nipple.

  "I'm not changing my mind," I replied, breathless as I wriggled free of my bra. "Just... I don't know. Just be patient with me?"

  Zed pushed up on his forearms, giving me a dead-serious look. "How is that even a question?" He arched a brow, and I gave him a knowing smile. Of course it wasn't a question. Just because this was new territory for us didn't mean we were new people. He was still Zed. He was still the boy I'd befriended at killer camp. I couldn't believe I'd been pushing him away for so long.

  Winding my arms back around his neck, I crushed my mouth to his and kissed him hot and heavy until his fingers found my nipple once more and made me gasp with ecstasy as he played.

  "Zed," I groaned as his kisses moved down my neck and his towel-covered hips brushed my inner thighs. "How is that fucking towel still on? What did you do, superglue it in place?"

  He chuckled a deep laugh against my throat, and his hand moved from my breast down to my thong so his fingers could hook under the waistband.

  "It's a talent, gorgeous." He was amused as hell, but he still sat up and slowly, torturously slowly, removed my thong and left me totally naked on the bed beneath him.

  For a moment, he just sat there and stared down at me. The light from the bathroom cast a glow on one side of his face and one side of my body, but the rest of us was in shadows. It seemed... oddly fitting for my state of mind.

  "Is there a problem?" I asked when he didn't continue. The pause had gone past casually gathering his thoughts and moved right into awkward territory.

  A lopsided smile curved his lips, and he shook his head. "Not even slightly," he replied, his palms smoothing up the outsides of my bare thighs. "I was just thinking about all the different ways I want to have you. All the fantasies I could make reality..." He trailed off with a pained groan, biting his lip as he gripped my thighs and spread my legs wider. "Fuck, Dare."

  Embarrassed, I hooked a leg around his back and gave him a tug closer. "Zed. Quit staring; it's fucking rude."

  He laughed sharply but took the hint and leaned back down to kiss me again. This time, though, I'd grown impatient with waiting and reached down to tug his towel free myself. All it took was one yank and it was gone. So how in the hell had it stayed on so long? Goddamn magic.

  Zed mumbled another curse against my lips as his hot, hard length ground against my core, making me shudder with longing. I didn't even want to mess around with foreplay. We'd had months of foreplay already, and I was more than ready for him.

  "Please," I gasped, rocking my hips. "Zed..."

  "Impatient," he chastised. His fingers skated down my body and found my throbbing cunt. I moaned and writhed under his body as his fingers slid inside, his thumb teasing circles around my clit until my whole body felt like a livewire.

  "Zed!" I protested, more insistent this time. I pulled my knees up higher, angling my hips in a desperate need for his dick. His breath heated my neck as he gasped, and he withdrew his hand to line himself up. But just as his tip nudged at my entrance, a flash of dark terror slapped across my mind like a metal-tipped whip, and I froze.

  He sensed it, too, and instantly stopped.

  "Dare," he breathed, his voice low and calm. "Hey, baby, what just happened?"

  I shook my head, frantic to regain the bliss of two seconds ago. What the fuck had just happened? "N-nothing," I stammered. "I don't even fucking know." I swiped my hands over my face and shook my head. "I'm fine. Sorry. I'm fine."

  Zed leaned down and kissed me softly. "Don't ever fucking apologize to me. Not for this."

  He started to shift away, and I jerked up, grabbing his shoulder. "Whoa, what? Where are you going?" He arched a brow at me in the darkness, and I frowned back. "Did I say to stop?"

  "Uh..." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "No, you did not."

  "Well then, what are you waiting for?" Just to punctuate my point, I locked my lips back on his and hooked a leg around the back of his thighs, pulling him closer.

  He gave a pained groan, but my movement had put him perfectly back in line. With just one thrust, he sank into my aching pussy, and I gasped against his kiss.

  "Holy shit," he said in a strangled whisper, then shifted his position to drive in deeper with the next thrust. Then deeper again on the next.

  I kept kissing him as he settled inside me, my pussy stretching and clenching his cock like a fucking welcoming party. But kissing him kept me grounded right here in the moment with him. It kept my mind focused on the present.

  Of course, the second I acknowledged that fact I let the shadows back in, and a deep shudder of fear ran down my spine, locking my limbs right up.

  "Shit, baby," Zed breathed, stilling his movement and placing a hand on the side of my face. "Talk to me."

  "I don't know what my problem is," I confessed in a pained whisper. "I don't understand why this is happening with you. It's not the sex. It's—"

  "It's me," he agreed. "Do you want to stop?"

  I shook my head firmly. "Fuck no." I swallow
ed hard. "No. It's... God, this is infuriating. It's you... but not you. This doesn't make any fucking sense. I'm sorry."

  Zed gave a soft growl of warning and placed a gentle kiss on my jaw. "What did I tell you about apologizing? Tell me what I can do. What eased the fear just before?"

  I rapidly thought it through. That first flash of fear... what had eased it off? It’d been Zed. It was always Zed. I just needed to stay present with Zed and not give Chase or my trauma any space between us. I haltingly told him as much, feeling all kinds of broken, but he just took it in with a calm nod.

  "Let's try this," he murmured. He reached over past my head and flicked the bedside lamp on, filling the room with light. Then he propped his head up on his hand right beside my head. "Better?"

  My lips parted, confused, but then I realized what he was doing. I needed to stay in the moment with Zed, so he’d turned the lights on and eliminated the darkness and shadows from the room. So when he leaned in to kiss me again, there was absolutely no mistaking that it was Zed.

  "Yes," I sighed between kisses. "It's better."

  "Thank fuck," he replied with a pained laugh. "Can I...?"

  "Please do," I said, rocking my hips to give him permission to move once more. I had to commend his control for remaining balls deep inside me while talking me through the start of a fucking panic attack.

  Still, he took his time kissing me as he shifted his weight once more and started out slow, moving between my legs with shallow strokes. With the lights on, I could see the tension in his brow and the worry in his eyes, and it soothed my monsters. Zed would never hurt me like Chase had, and he wasn't to blame for the outcome of our first kiss. I needed to break through that wall once and for all, and this... this was the perfect sledgehammer.

  "Zed," I moaned, arching my back and tilting my hips to feel him deeper. "Fuck me properly; I won't break."

  He huffed a breathless laugh, kissing my neck. "I know you won't. You're harder than diamonds and a hundred times more beautiful."